She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
