Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
