drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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