Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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