I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who died my cat blue again?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
