it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
