i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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