I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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