I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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