i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
