she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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