I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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