ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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