2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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