I just pynch a tree in the face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
