So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
