eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
