I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
