Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
