fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
