I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
