so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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