It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And then my night got REAL pukey
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
