My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
