True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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