Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
