"it" just moved
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
