i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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