You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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