3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
