So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dicks are not precious.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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