Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
