The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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