she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
