Only a mothe r could love this liver
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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