at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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