I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
