***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
