i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
