just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
