There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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