I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
