It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
