Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
