whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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