can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
