I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
