did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
