she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
