And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
