No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
