I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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